Childhood is marked by innocence, a state of being where emotions, thoughts, and words flow unfiltered. A child says what they feel, notices what is new, and expresses it without hesitation. But this innocence often collides with adult interpretations of what is “appropriate” and “inappropriate.” In that collision, something fragile is at risk: the child’s trust in their own voice.
Not long ago, a child I was working with looked up at me and said, “I love you, Anna.” It was spontaneous, genuine, and warm. But the grandmother, who overheard, immediately intervened: “You should not say all that.” What the child expressed was affection, yet the adult’s lens recast it as something questionable, perhaps even improper. In a moment, what was pure became labeled as wrong.
Another child I know began a conversation by announcing, “You know what, I’m wearing new underwear today. You want to see?” To an adult, such a remark may feel startling, even inappropriate. My own instinct could have been to shut it down. But instead, I chose to respond differently: “Really? That’s very nice, but I don’t want to see.” No shame. No rejection. Just a gentle boundary.
Both these moments taught me an important truth: innocence does not get lost naturally; it gets dismantled by the reactions of adults.
Children do not begin with the concept of “appropriateness.” They learn it through the responses they receive. They watch how adults speak, react, and navigate boundaries, and they model themselves accordingly. If the reaction they observe is one of shaming or silencing, that is the script they internalize and may later replicate.
When adults respond with harshness, the message the child absorbs is not about the boundary, but about themselves. They start to wonder: “Is my love wrong? Is my excitement embarrassing? Am I not supposed to say what I feel?”
This is not to say that children should be left without guidance. Boundaries are essential for their safety, for social learning, and for navigating the world. But the way boundaries are taught matters just as much as the boundaries themselves. Guidance delivered without empathy risks silencing the very qualities that make childhood so precious: honesty, curiosity, spontaneity.
The responsibility lies with us parents, educators, and caregivers to examine our own discomfort before labeling a child’s words as inappropriate. Sometimes what unsettles us is not the child’s intent but our own adult interpretations. When a child says, “I love you,” it is affection, not impropriety. When a child shares something unusual, it may be curiosity, not misconduct.
The challenge is to strike a balance, to acknowledge a child’s voice without ridicule, to correct without shaming, to protect innocence while still preparing them for the realities of the world. A child who learns that their feelings and words are respected grows into an adult who is both confident and compassionate. A child who is repeatedly silenced grows wary of expressing themselves, even when they should.
Innocence, once labeled and shamed, rarely returns in the same form. What we as adults decide in those fleeting moments, to listen, to guide, or to silence can shape the course of a child’s self expression for years to come.
It is not the child’s innocence that should be questioned, but the lens through which we choose to see it.
About the Author
Abhiram R. holds an MSc in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology and has over three years of dedicated experience working with children with developmental delays and neurodivergence. Passionate about early intervention and inclusive education, Abhiram integrates developmental frameworks with compassion-driven practice. He is currently part of HOPE- The Early Intervention Centre, where he works closely with children and families to create meaningful pathways for growth and inclusion.
Connect with him on LinkedIn: linkdin.com/in/abhiram-r-38b2891b9 or via email: abhiramyadav1721@gmail.com