To persevere when the going is tough is a crucial life skill. Parents and educators exhort youngsters to stick it out, hoping that younger generations cultivate the essential quality of grit. Whether it’s a ballet class or tennis coaching or rock climbing, adults tell students that they can excel only if they persist at a task. While we extol tenacity and endurance as laudable traits, which they are in any field, we don’t provide any guidance on when and how to quit. Infact, quitting receives a lot of bad press, so much so that it is associated with terms like ‘loser’ and ‘failure.’
Keep the bigger picture in mind
Just as grit needs to be cultivated, we also need to know when to call it quits. In Quit, writer Annie Duke argues that grit is an asset when it comes to pursuing things that matter. However, it can also compel us to persist on tasks that are “no longer worthwhile.” Though it sounds contradictory, having grit and knowing when to quit are both qualities that may be honed. How do we decide when it’s time to abandon the course?
Most people would agree that trekking is a pursuit that requires oodles of grit. Though you may be physically fit, you cannot scale mountain peaks unless you also cultivate a dogged determination to persevere. And that is precisely why seasoned mountain climbers have a “turnaround time” while clambering up rocky mountain paths. According to Duke, a turnaround time is a preset time at which trekkers stop climbing for that day and return to base camp even if they haven’t reached their intended destination.
The reason trekkers rely on a turnaround time is to protect them from making a foolhardy choice, especially when they’re almost at the top. Each day climbers also have to return to their camps before it gets dark while contending with inclement weather. Given how treacherous climbing down can be when visibility is poor, it is prudent to buffer in adequate time for the descent. Duke reports that eight times more people succumb to death on the way down Mount Everest than on the way up.
Veteran trekkers also know that it’s best to decide on the turnaround time before you start climbing. Making the decision in the thick of the moment is not advisable. In fact, the worst time to make this choice is when the summit seems “within reach.” As Duke reminds us, when we’re climbing a mountain, reaching the peak is not the ultimate goal but to “return safely.” But if we’re obsessed with meeting our goal, we may lose sight of the broader picture.
Re-assess goals
Charting goals and trying to accomplish them are important life skills indeed. When we encounter a rough patch, we must soldier on instead of hanging up our towels. But as change is an endemic feature of life, we need to reassess our objectives every now and then in light of new information or unexpected turns. As we also change with the vicissitudes of life, we need to re-examine our priorities periodically and quit jobs, plans, hobbies and even partners when they are no longer beneficial to our well-being. Duke also points out that people generally do not err on the side of quitting for significant life decisions and tend to persist in draining jobs and toxic marriages longer than they should.
One reason why you’re reluctant to quit is because you’ve probably invested effort, time and even money into a project. And, very often, we may even increase our commitment by investing more time, effort and money, hoping to get ourselves out of the red, and making it even harder for us to quit. Duke observes this escalation of commitment in individuals, businesses and governments.
To combat this tendency, Duke urges you to look forward and engage in a time travel exercise to help you decide whether to stick or not. Suppose you are unhappy with your job. You speak to your manager who says that she cannot change your role for at least another year. Do you think you can hang on for another year in the same position? If you feel you will be miserable doing so, then it’s time to explore other avenues.
Another reason we’re averse to quitting a job or a profession is when your identity becomes fused with it. Because what you do is a central feature of your identity, it may be hard to quit a teaching job or close down your business because it creates a lacuna in your sense of self. But we need to realize that we can often craft a new identity for ourselves. If you’re deeply unhappy in your current role, quitting might be the right decision. Given that we all have a finite amount of time, persevering on things that we find extremely tedious or enervating prevents us from exploring other options that may bring us joy and fulfillment.
About the Author
(Aruna Sankaranarayanan is a psychologist & writer. She is the author of Zero Limits: Things Every 20-Something Should Know. She blogs at www.arunasankaranarayanan.com.)