Whether it’s an unreasonable client, a hard-nosed colleague or a pesky boss, you encounter unpleasant interactions at work where emotions may run amok. Most often, these difficult conversations don’t happen out of the blue. Often, you dread an upcoming meeting with a client or boss, knowing that it could take a nasty turn. However, instead of walking in cold, expecting the worst, what can you do to prepare yourself for these stressful interactions? As all conversations involve at least two people, your preparedness can help steer the conversation through calmer waters.
Visualize success
In an article in Harvard Business Review, Dina Denham Smith provides some strategies on how to prepare for dreaded discussions. One strategy that is effective in sports and work is visualization or imagery. Basically, imagine a successful outcome to your meeting. If things go well, how are you likely to feel at the end of the day? How would you like your customer or boss, or colleague to feel after the interaction? How will they perceive you?
Next, zoom in on the forthcoming discussion in your mind’s eye by visualizing various details like a “mental movie.” Imagine the room, the seating arrangement, what people are wearing, and how they are engaging with one another. Run through the significant steps of the discussion. Who will start the conversation? How will you broach the sensitive issue? How will your interlocutors respond? What can you do to artfully move the conversation without getting roiled? How will you respond to tough questions with calm confidence?
Rehearse what you could potentially say when tempers start to rise. “Let’s take a step back and spell out the points we agree on.” Picture yourself taking a deep breath when a client makes a false accusation. Instead of flying off the handle, respond in a measured tone. Think of how your boss might provoke you but how you will continue to stay in control of your emotions.
Reframe negativity
Smith also recommends thinking of the positive traits of people who are likely to be confrontational at the meeting. Though your colleague may deflect the blame onto your team, list his positive attributes before you head into the discussion. Remind yourself of the times this colleague has been helpful and creative. Engaging in this exercise will help you maintain a more neutral tone and might defuse the tension in the room.
Additionally, you may reframe your current problem in a more positive vein. Suppose you have to let your boss know that your team just lost an important client. If you are prepared to own up to your mistakes and acknowledge what your team has learnt from this interaction and what you could potentially do differently in the future to avoid a similar fallout, perhaps your boss will be reasonably mollified.
Get into the details
To ensure that you are thoroughly prepared for a tense meeting, Smith suggests that you think through the “Five W’s” beforehand. Who should be present at the meeting? Have all these individuals been briefed? What points are going to be discussed, and what facets will not be addressed? Where and when will the meeting happen? And, most importantly, why has this meeting been scheduled? Answering these questions prior to the meeting will create a more conducive climate, eliminating unnecessary stressors from further fueling negative feelings.
Give yourself breathing room
If you anticipate that this is going to be a particularly tricky interaction, Smith avers that you book-end the meeting with “buffer zones.” This involves having ten minutes to yourself before the meeting. During this time, you run through the agenda and calm your nerves. Likewise, schedule another ten minutes to ‘process’ the interactions after the meeting and recenter yourself.
Finally, engaging in some form of mindfulness or meditative practice every day can help you handle stressful work meetings with calm and poise. As mindfulness allows you to pause, giving you time to respond rather than react, you are less likely to become mired in your emotions and act on impulse. Prepping for unpleasant meetings involves foresight and planning. Putting in this extra effort can reduce the sting of these interactions, making them more efficient and less emotionally draining for everyone involved.
About the Author
(The writer blogs at www.arunasankaranaryanan.com and is the author of Zero Limits: Things Every 20-Something Should Know.)