Article

(Be Any body’s First Choice – Anywhere – All the time) 

The Initial Connection: Instant Likes and Dislikes: When you meet someone for the first time, you may find yourself immediately liking them or not. In other cases, your feelings may develop as you engage in conversation, leading you to discover your like or dislike for the person over time. 

Finding Common Ground: Shared Interests and Experiences: When you find yourself liking someone, it's often because you've discovered shared interests or experiences. This could include a mutual appreciation for dressing well, a love for a certain colour, or food, or a connection through your hometown or education. You might bond over common interests in sports, hobbies, or even a shared passion for music, such as Bollywood songs from the fifties and sixties. These shared passions foster a connection and create rapport between you two. 

Understanding Rapport: You might be wondering what rapport means. Simply put, rapport is about being on the same wavelength as someone else. Think of it like tuning a transistor radio to your favourite station to enjoy a specific program. Just as tuning in to the right frequency allows you to access what you want, building rapport involves aligning with the other person's perspective and emotions to connect effectively. You will also be responding to that person from the same perspective or frequency. 

The Importance of Connection & Frequencies: Conversely, if there is no connection and you're not on the same wavelength, you may find that you don't like the person, and they may feel the same about you. Continuing with our radio analogy, if you're tuned to a different frequency than the one playing your favourite music, you won’t enjoy what you hear. In the same way, without rapport, a genuine connection simply cannot be established. 

The Challenge of Rapid Rapport & Connecting in Minutes: While it's enjoyable to take the time to discover whether we like someone, what happens when we meet a stranger or decision-maker whose support is crucial for our future? In situations like job interviews or business meetings, where commonalities may not be immediately apparent, we often have only a few minutes to create a connection. This article explores effective strategies for quickly building rapport, allowing you to tune in to the other person and gain their support—much like adjusting a radio or TV to access your favourite program. 

The Five Senses: A Gateway to Understanding: As humans we are endowed with five senses of See (Visual), Hear (Auditory), Feel (Kinaesthetic), Smell (Olfactory), Taste (Gustatory). 

Identifying Sensory Preferences: Visual, Auditory, or Kinaesthetic: While all five senses play a role in our interactions, three are more predominant namely visual, auditory and kinaesthetic. Each person tends to rely more on one of these sensory preferences. Our goal/intention/purpose is to identify which sensory mode the stranger in front of us, leans on. For instance, if visual based they will likely use language that reflects this preference. For example: 

1. The sun has risen today. It looks beautiful 

2. I see that you have come well prepared.  

3. I can visualise your experience. 

Next, you can identify a person who is auditory by the way they express themselves. Here are some examples of auditory-based sentences: 

1. I hear that you are moving home. 

2. That you are returning home is music to my ears. 

3. I listen to my heart before taking a decision. 

Finally, a kinaesthetic person will typically use sentences like these:   

1. I feel that we must go ahead with this proposal. 

2. I had a rough time convincing an argumentative customer. 

3. We had a smooth ride despite the twists and turns of the road. 

Effective Communication: Tuning into Their Mode: The decision-maker you encounter may align with one of the three sensory modes. To build rapport and achieve our goals, it's essential to identify their preferred sensory mode and adapt our communication accordingly. For example, if they observed:  I see you are wearing a nice jacket.  

Reply: I am glad you see it as a nice jacket. Thank you. 

Don’t reply:  I am glad you feel it is nice. 

Secondly, If the person says: 

I hear that it will rain this afternoon. 

Reply: I too heard that it’ll rain this afternoon. 

Don’t reply: I too read in the newspaper that it’ll rain this afternoon. 

Thirdly, if the person observes: 

I feel that your negotiating skills will be useful to our procurement division. 

Reply:  I am glad you feel so. 

Don’t reply: I am thrilled to hear that. 

Guidelines for Identifying Sensory Modes: Here’s a helpful guideline for identifying which sensory mode someone belongs to based on the words they use: 

Visual: bright, dark, display, dull, focus, glimpse, illuminate, look, observe, picture, reflect, see, sight, spot, view, watch, visualize.   

Auditory: announce, chime, echo, harmonize, hoarse, listen, loud, melody, music, murmur, noise, ring, resonate, sound, speak, tune, whisper.   

Kinaesthetic: Balance, climb, dance, engage, feel, grip, jog, manipulate, move, roll, squeeze, stretch, and swing.   

Steps to Master Rapport: To master the concepts we've discussed, consider following these steps: 

Step 1: Memorize the three sensory modes and the associated words for each. 
Step 2: Observe each individual closely to identify their preferred sensory mode. 
Step 3: Communicate with each person using their dominant mode.  

With practice, you'll find it easier to establish rapport with everyone you encounter. This approach will become second nature, enabling you to effectively connect with key individuals who can help fulfil your desires. 

Case Study: Aman's Journey to Success: Let me share a case study:  

Aman, who was from Manchester and had completed a course in public relations, ran into me at the cafeteria of an art gallery, and we started chatting. He learned about my courses and decided to enrol to boost his confidence for a job interview he had the following week.  

After the interview, he excitedly called me. It turned out that the boss himself had interviewed him since the HR manager was unavailable. Aman shared that he listened intently, starting with the boss's opening question: “I hope you didn’t feel lost coming to this office, as most first-time visitors do since it’s located on a corner lane?” From this, he recognized that the boss’s sensory mode was kinaesthetic. He quickly tuned into this by responding, “No, I didn’t feel lost since I was closely following the map that was sent.”  

The next warm-up question, “What were your happiest moments (feelings) in the last few days?” confirmed Aman’s assessment. Their conversation flowed smoothly from there, moving to pets, dogs, and eventually the German shepherd breed. They both realized they shared a passion for high-bred German shepherds and took personal care of their pets through activities like walking, grooming, feeding, and playing with them. These actions involved physical feelings, such as walking, grooming (bathing and brushing), feeding the right foods at the right times, and playing. The discussion continued effortlessly until the boss casually asked, “If I were to issue an appointment letter today, how quickly can you join?” 

Key Takeaways: The Power of Similarity: If you've read carefully, you may wonder what led to Aman getting the job despite not being asked about his academic background or previous experience. The key was Aman’s ability to identify the boss’s sensory mode and align his responses accordingly. Additionally, Aman actively engaged in the conversation, allowing them to discover a shared interest: their love for pets, particularly dogs, and specifically German shepherds. Finally, both Aman and the boss delved deeper by discussing their passion for the physical care of their pets. Since anything that involves physical engagement is considered kinaesthetic (external feel), this connection played a significant role in establishing rapport. 

Aman joined the company within a week at a higher salary than what was advertised, along with some unexpected perks. The takeaway from this case study is clear: people are drawn to those who are like themselves, and they are willing to go to great lengths to meet the needs of those they like. 

Embrace Your Opportunity: Share Your Success Story: Aman achieved success shortly after attending my course, and now it’s your turn after reading this article. Don't you want to share your success story with me once you embrace this opportunity? I look forward to hearing from you with great anticipation. 

About the Author

As a multifaceted mentor, Certified Life and Career Coach, and Counsellor, Ash Nan serves as a guiding light for individuals of all ages, including children. With certified expertise in Hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Emotional & Thought Freedom techniques (EFT/TFT), & soon mastering Counselling, Ash Nan empowers individuals to achieve exceptional success in their personal pursuits. As a certified Kundalini Yoga Third-Eye Practitioner, he skilfully blends ancient wisdom with modern strategies. Dedicated to supporting first-time job seekers, Ash created the transformative program "Finishing Touch," which has guided numerous students toward fulfilling careers.  

He is also the author of two insightful books, “Mirror your mega success image” and his latest, "Becoming Recruitable."  

To learn more about his work, visit:   

www.ash-nan.com   

and   

www.ashnan.cts.com.